Almost 1

Wow, how time flies!!! Haven't thought about this blog in ages. Looking back I am not the same Bitter Bill I was then. First off my Mom is gone.Death came so sudden to her. Such a recluse she was but that's how she played it. Showed love in her own way. Second, I am married to the MOST wonderful woman a man can meet. Oh Jillian, how you touch my inner core literally. You have a been an Angel sent to me to carry me through the fire.
Third,HENRY!! One name says it all. A Beautiful child who has so much spark and love in his eyes. Jillian must have past her vitality to him.He does have my Hamish ways.Just looking at him he brightens up any room. He will be ONE this Friday. Oh, the time moves to quick.He almost walking.I hope he will always be with me.

Miscommunication

Everything does get lost in words,so easy to think one thing when it just words we are reading.Am I such a narcissistic ass? Or just trying to be clever. They lose the meaning along the way. Take Lily,bright artist trying to make it big. On the phone she giggles like my daughter . On paper she seems so brilliant. Is it the same person. We all have different sides we show. I show them all. Its written on my face. I have been told I cant hide a thought.Do I want to?? Have eat me for breakfast,lunch and dinner. I don't know. My rulebook on how to behave was long lost in a train layup. Maybe someday while rummaging through old spray cans someone will find it.

*Sigh*

What else is there to do, but breathe in and out. Let out a big Sigh!!! After this weekend. Its my only crutch. Spoke to my mom today, its funny how family talks amount to shit. They never help do they. Just leave you more tense then you began.Always signing us off. Bill,your too romantic or Bill be independent for a change. I started in this world clinging to your apron. I rejected it now in need its no longer there smelling like cookie dough. All I get is a push in the wrong direction. Well, maybe a good over the counter substance can help me. Why? Do I want a cure or a remedy. Don't I just want her back will that make all this disappear. Will a kiss and a touch be all I"m after. God to be in the arms of the one I love again and again. So many women non appealing anymore. I keep casting them off . Wanting the one I cant have. Always in life. Happiness is right under my nose? Well I look forward never at my feet. Maybe,someday I will have the love I want. Or I may just stumble and fall

Going through motionless

Well, luck has its price. Meeting all these women of late . Just to be let down. All I want is my old love back . That's all I'm looking for is her face to be in a crowd. Such a small world they say? Never seem to run into the ones I want to. I think of it as I stand on the corner watching women with similar shapes and size to her.Just wasting time is this what almost 40 is about. Stranded in a private hell. Letting her occupy too many thoughts. Thoughts I cherish,thoughts that hurt like a vipers tooth. Being bitten, paralysis set in. Going through motionless